63: 25 Character Areas

Below is a list of 25 character areas. While this is not an exhaustive list of character areas mentioned in the Bible, I think the list is representative of those most heavily emphasized.

You may find this list useful as you think about developing character in your kids. What are their strengths and weaknesses? How can you help them grow in each area?

You’ll notice that each area has a few probing questions for your consideration. They are written to you, the parent. After all, parenting often has more to do with the parent than with the child. What areas can you grow in? What steps can you take?

You may want to be creative in the use of this list.

You could study the list as a family.
You and your children could each pick an area to study.
You and your kids could memorize one verse out of each area.
You and your kids could memorize all of the verses for an area.
You could discuss how to utilize your strengths.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:5-8 NIV)

(The .pdf version of this is a little more readable.)


25 Character Areas

Not quick tempered vs. easily angered
Do you get angry at other drivers, your spouse or your children? Do others around you notice this anger displayed, or do you immediately control it? Are you frequently using a raised voice with your children?
Proverbs 14:17, 29; Matthew 5:22; Ephesians 4:26,31; Colossians 3:8; James 1:19,20

Family man / woman
Do other people want a marriage like yours, and/or children like yours? Are your children a joy to be around? Are you confident that your kids will turn out well? Do your spouse and kids enjoy being around you?
Deuteronomy 6:6,7; Proverbs 19:18; 22:6; 29:17; Ephesians 5:22-33; Colossians 3:18-21; 1 Timothy 3:2-7,12; Titus 1:6-9; 1 Peter 3:1-7

Committed, sacrificed life
Are you determined to do what God wants, even if it seems like other paths seem easier or more fulfilling? Is God frequently on the back burner, while other things like school, work, or even recreation get most of the attention? Are you determined to follow God, even if no one else around you will?
Mark 12:30; Matthew 6:33; 16:24; Luke 14:25-33

Content vs. covetous
Do you tend to buy lots of things that you can't afford (i.e. on credit)? Are you happy with having things that are less than the best?
Exodus 20:17; Philippians 4:11,12; 1 Timothy 6:6-8; Hebrews 13:5

Diligent vs. lazy
Do you devote hours of time to entertainment and recreation while neglecting your studies, work, home, or relationship with God?
Proverbs 12:24,27; 13:4; 14:23; 28:19,20; Colossians 3:23; 2 Thessalonians 3:9-12

Eternally minded
Does the thought of heaven and eternity bring you hope? Is the fear of hardship or loss in this life overwhelming?
Psalm 90:12; Proverbs 14:32; 1 Corinthians 7:29-31; 15:19; Colossians 1:5; Titus 2:13; 1 Peter 1:13

Man or woman of faith (vs. fearful)
Are you confident of your standing with God? Is your perception of your relationship with God based on your feelings, or on what the Bible says? Are you willing to step into roles that you feel ill equipped for? Do you use your gifts and talents when opportunities arise? How's your prayer life?
Romans 14:23b; 1 Corinthians 16:13; 2 Corinthians 5:7; Galatians 5:6b; Hebrews 11; James 2:26

Faithful vs. unfaithful
Are you careful to fulfill your responsibilities with even the small things?
Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 16:10; 1 Corinthians 4:2; 1 Peter 4:10,11

Forgiving
Do you have bad feelings towards people that have harmed you in the past? Are you bitter or do you have a grudge against anyone?
Proverbs 19:11; Matthew 6:12; 18:21-22; Mark 11:25; Luke 6:37b; Luke 23:34a; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13

Gentle vs. violent or overbearing
Would people characterize you as being harsh or overbearing? Do you occasionally “let people have it” (verbally or physically) because they've “got it coming”?
1 Timothy 3:2-7; Titus 1:6-9; Galatians 5:22,23; Colossians 3:12

Giving, generous
Do you regularly give to the Lord and to those in need? Do you give with a cheerful heart? Are you a good tipper? Do you see money as something that needs to be carefully managed and controlled, or more like a tool that you can use to do good?
Matthew 6:24-33; Luke 16:9-15; Romans 12:8; 2 Corinthians 8:7-9; 9:6-8; 1 Timothy 6:18

Honest vs. deceitful
Do you occasionally “bend the rules” for your own gain? Do you give people answers that are half-truths or that are “legally correct”?
Leviticus 19:11; Proverbs 4:24; 10:9; 11:3; 12:17,20; 1 Peter 2:1

Humble vs. proud
Are you constantly worried about what other people think of you? Is it important that your accomplishments are recognized? Can you gracefully accept correction or criticism? Do you act in ways that promote yourself instead of God or others?
Proverbs 22:4; 29:23; Micah 6:8; Matthew 18:4; Luke 14:10; Romans 12:3; Colossians 3:12; James 4:10; 1 Peter 5:5

Joyful
Do you grumble and complain a lot? Do you enjoy praising God?
Romans 12:12; 2 Corinthians 6:10; Galatians 5:22; Philippians 2:14; 4:4; 1 Thessalonians 5:16

Loving
Do you frequently think about what would be good or helpful for other people? Do you try to put yourself in other people's shoes? Do you make a conscious effort to tell or show others that you love them?
Matthew 22:39; John 13:35; 15:12,13; Romans 12:9; 1 Corinthians 13; Galatians 5:22; Colossians 3:12; 1 Timothy 6:11; Titus 2:2; Hebrews 13:1; 1 Peter 1:22; 2 Peter 1:5-8; 1 John 3:16

Obedient
Are you more concerned with discovering truth, than obeying the truth that you already know? If something is blatantly clear in the Bible, will you accept it even if it is a hard teaching? Are you known more for your actions, or your stances on different issues?
John 14:15,21,23-24; 1 Corinthians 7:19; 1 John 5:2; James 1:22

Patient and enduring
Are you willing to wait for God's timing, or do you try to speed it along? Have you struggled with questions for God that remain unresolved for years? Do you have a pattern of continually switching majors, jobs, or churches? Are you easily overwhelmed, tired, or discouraged to the point that you start dropping the ball in some of your high priority areas?
Romans 5:3,4; Galatians 6:9; 2 Thessalonians 3:13; Hebrews 12:1-3; James 1:3,4; James 5:10,11; 2 Peter 1:5-8

Self controlled vs. indulgent
Can you say “no” to yourself in areas of your life that you would like to change? Are there areas in your life that control you, rather than you controlling them?
Proverbs 25:28; Galatians 5:22-23, 1 Timothy 3:2-7; 2 Timothy 1:7; Titus 1:6-9; 2:2; 2:6; 1 Peter 1:13; 4:7; 5:8; 2 Peter 1:5-8

Unselfish vs. selfish
Will you refrain from doing things that are not wrong, but that might be hard for others? Do you think of ways to serve others and not do them because it is inconvenient for you?
Matthew 16:25; Romans 12:17; 14:21; 1 Corinthians 10:24; 13:5; 2 Corinthians 8:21; Philippians 2:3,4

Serving
Do you see it as a burden to serve others, or as a joy? Do you frequently serve in ways which provide no reward?
Matthew 20:28; Mark 10:43-45; John 13:14-16; Romans 12:11; 1 Corinthians 15:58; 2 Corinthians 4:5; Galatians 5:13; 6:9-10; Ephesians 2:13; 4:16; 6:7,8; Philippians 2:3-7,20-21; Colossians 3:23; 1 Peter 2:16; 4:10,11

Sexually pure
Do you see the opposite sex as objects or people? Do you look at or listen to material that no one else knows about? When you have improper thoughts, do you feed them, or starve them?
Proverbs 4:25; 27:20; Job 31:1; Matthew 5:27-30; Romans 13:13,14; 1 Corinthians 6:12-20; Ephesians 4:19; 5:3,4;Colossians 3:5-8; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5; James 1:13-15; 1 Peter 4:3-5; 1 John 2:15-17

Controlled speech vs. unrestrained in speech
Do you say things about people that you would never say if they were listening? Are the things that you talk about typically helpful or building for your hearers?
Proverbs 10:19; 17:27; 21:23; 29:20; Ephesians 4:29; 5:4; Colossians 3:8; 4:6; James 1:19,26

Teachable vs. unresponsive
Are you eager to learn from others and the Bible? Is it more important to you to be right, or to look right?
Proverbs 22:17; Acts 17:11; 1 Thessalonians 2:13; 2 Timothy 3:16; Hebrews 12:7; 13:17

Unified with others vs. divisive
Are you supportive of the direction of your leaders? If you disagree with the direction a leader is going, do you tell the leader, or do you tell the followers?
John 17:23; Acts 4:32a; Romans 12:5; 15:5; 1 Corinthians 1:10; 12:25; Ephesians 4:3,16; Philippians 2:1,2; Colossians 2:2a;
Hebrews 10:23-25

Upright, righteous
Are you more focused on what is honoring to God than on what you can get away with?
Romans 12:17; 2 Corinthians 8:21; Titus 1:6-9; 1 Peter 1:14,15; 2 Peter 1:5-8; 1 Timothy 6:11; 2 Peter 3:14

62: A Withdrawn Boy

Q: I have a 9 year old son Tom and an 8 year old daughter, Lona. Their father walked out on us when they were 3 and 4. I am now married to a wonderful man whom they love. The problem I face is with Tom. He is an absolute introvert and never speaks of himself, his feelings, and his hurts. He loves computer games, which we monitor so as not to take over his life, because if left alone that is all he'll do all day. He has no self esteem where his sister is always the center of attention because of her strong personality. How do I get my son to share with me? He has no friends and at school he plays with his sister and her friends. I feel that if I don't get him to open up I will lose him as a man. My brother and father suffer from this characteristic where they seem so emotionless and nothing seems to get to them, even though it must. I have prayed to break this blood line curse but it seems to have a hold on my son. Please any advice will be appreciated. I love my son dearly but I do not know him no matter how hard I try.

A: As always, I’d recommend that you talk to your pastor or a Christian friend who can observe the situation and help you get an outside perspective. It is hard for me to know if you are right on target or if you are overreacting or under reacting. Ask someone close to you what they think, because sometimes our own perspectives can get skewed.

Here are a few thoughts:

I wouldn’t expect Tom to talk a lot about his feelings and his hurts. He may be very different from his sister in this. He is a different person. Plus, boys don’t tend to talk a lot about emotional stuff. Maybe he has dealt with his hurts, handles them differently, or just doesn’t like to talk about them. I wouldn’t assume that means that something is wrong with him.

For Tom, and all kids, I’d greatly limit the amount of time he gets to play computer games. 20 minutes a day should be plenty. It’s not that there is anything wrong with it, but it just doesn’t add to his life in any significant way. Reading an exciting book appropriate for his age, playing with Legos, or learning to play the drums would all be fun AND productive activities. You may want to buy him a really cool video game, and on that game tell him he can only play it with his dad. That would help add some relational time to something that he loves.

When you say you are afraid that you will “lose him as a man” I’m not sure if you mean that you may lose his heart when he becomes a man, or that he will be effeminate (girly). I’ll assume the latter, since I think a lot of parents have that fear. I do think it is important for kids to learn how to relate to their own sex. Your son is probably just shy and since he is comfortable around his sister, it makes it easy for him to get included in her circle of friends. That is fine, but he also needs to learn to relate to boys. Figure out who his potential friends are at church or at school, and then invite one of them over to play. You may want to suspend the video game restrictions the first time and let them go at it. After he has a friend over 2 or 3 times it will be far easier for Tom to relate to him. You may want to repeat this with another boy or two so he can have several peers that he is comfortable around.

In any case, I’d focus more on his relationship with your husband than his relationship with you. This is my strongest piece of advice. You know what it takes to be a woman, but your husband knows what it takes to be a man. He can help your son by building a strong relationship with him. He should DO stuff with him. Most boys don’t want to sit and share feelings. They want to hunt and explore and torture bugs (trust me on this). These would be good things for your husband to pursue with him (other than the bug part). He may share some feelings while doing these things, but he is not likely to just sit and share his deepest emotional feelings. Whether he does have a problem being open, or if he is just being a boy, I think reinforcing this relationship is key to Tom’s wellbeing.

I would not be concerned about a blood line curse. Your boy is just a boy, and he needs some help learning how to become a man and how to relate to boys and girls and the world around him. The following passage should help calm your fears about a blood line curse. Perhaps a tendency toward shyness has been passed on, but I don’t think a curse has.

Ezekiel 18:14-20 “But suppose this son has a son who sees all the sins his father commits, and though he sees them, he does not do such things:

“He does not eat at the mountain shrines or look to the idols of the house of Israel. He does not defile his neighbor’s wife. He does not oppress anyone or require a pledge for a loan. He does not commit robbery but gives his food to the hungry and provides clothing for the naked. He withholds his hand from sin and takes no usury or excessive interest. He keeps my laws and follows my decrees.

He will not die for his father’s sin; he will surely live. But his father will die for his own sin, because he practiced extortion, robbed his brother and did what was wrong among his people.

“Yet you ask, ‘Why does the son not share the guilt of his father?’ Since the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to keep all my decrees, he will surely live. The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.”

Keep seeking God on this. He can give you and your husband the wisdom you need.

61: When You’ve Blown It

Q: What do you do if you feel like you have blown it with your kids as far as parenting? Can you undo what has been done in the way of parenting with yelling and anger? I have a 10-year-old and a 4-year-old. I've seen how my anger in parenting has affected my 10-year-old’s attitude and respect for my authority. Please tell me it isn't too late!!


A: It’s not too late, but it’s none too early either.

I don’t know how badly you’ve “blown it” with your yelling and anger. I’m assuming that things have gotten pretty bad, since you took the time to write, and since you are addressing this as an issue in your parenting, and not just as an infrequent occurrence. You may have done some damage to your relationship with your children, and you may have impacted their view of themselves and of you, and you may have set a bad example, but they can still come through this. So can you.

When Jesus picked his disciples, they were grown men. Some of them may have been very young men, but they were not children. Each of them had been influenced by their parents, peers, and neighbors. Each had his own set of baggage consisting of all types of sin and wrong thinking. They had issues, but they were not beyond hope. Jesus still had an expectant heart for them, and believed that God could do a great work in their lives, regardless of their starting points. If it is not too late for the young disciples, then it is not too late for your 10-year-old.

If you adopted a 10-year-old boy into your family that had been through a rough life, I have no doubt that with volumes of love, as well as lots of loving discipline and training, you could help that boy become a godly man. He may always carry some baggage from his past but you could greatly shape his future. Do you believe that? If so, than you certainly can still win with your own child.


I’d start by apologizing for what I’d done wrong in the past.

Proverbs 6:2-5 if you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor's hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.

I’d be very clear with my kids that my actions or speech had not been acceptable, and were not in line with what God desired from a parent, or even from a Christian. I’d explain that just as they (my kids) are growing and maturing that I am growing and maturing. I will never be perfect, but I will grow and be different, as I yield to the work of God’s Spirit in my life. I’d clearly explain what I meant and give a plain apology, “I’m sorry for my yelling and anger. Will you forgive me?”

Then I’d make a commitment to them and myself that I would no longer act in those ways, but that I’d live in a way that honored God.

As a parent, I can afford to not be perfect—no one is. I can afford to continue to fail— everyone does. However, I can not afford to be complacent. I cannot be indifferent about my sin. I must grow and change, and my efforts to change must be serious and significant.

1 John 2:6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

James 1:19-20 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

I’d take steps to help me keep that commitment.
I’d apologize to God for my actions and thank Him for forgiving my sins.
I’d search for and memorize relevant verses from the Bible. (Read through Proverbs and memorize the ones that God gives you.)
I’d talk to my pastor or spiritual leader.
I’d ask my spiritual mentors for book recommendations.
I’d ask for prayer from my small group at church.
I’d ask my spouse to hold me accountable.
I’d pray about it.
I’d tell my kids about the steps I’m taking to grow.

When I failed at that commitment, I’d apologize, recommit, and get back on track.


Children are extremely resilient. What’s done is done, and you need to move forward. Do your best to get it right with them, and to grow as a Christian. Think through what areas have been impacted in your children’s lives. Help them think through those areas and to build a biblical, truth-based foundation. God is a God of forgiveness and fresh starts. With God there is always hope—lots of hope—in every situation.

In response to a similar question Dr. James Dobson wrote, “I doubt if it is too late to do things right, although your ability to influence your children lessens with the passage of time. Fortunately we are permitted to make many mistakes with our kids. They are resilient and they will usually survive most of our errors in judgment. It's a good thing they do, because none of us can be a perfect parent. Besides, it’s not the occasional mistakes that hurt a child – it is the consistent influence of destructive conditions throughout childhood that does the damage.”

In a Rick Whitney seminar a father asked a similar question because he had just made a decision to become a Christian, and had not been raising his twins using Christian principles. He asked, “Have I blown it? Here I am coming to Christ, my boys are 12, have I blown it? Is it a lost cause?”

Rick responded, “Don’t you ever believe that! Not when you deal with the God I’m dealing with. And you’re going to be introduced to Him as soon as you pray.”

You need to have this confidence in your God, and believe that with His help you can win!

Luke 1:37 “For nothing is impossible with God.”