79: Wardrobe Malfunction / Father Malfunction

Psalms 101:3 I will set before my eyes no vile thing.

It was February 1st, 2004. I was watching the Super Bowl while my wife and kids busied themselves with other activities with me in our living room. When the halftime show started, Janet Jackson appeared and started performing a song with Justin Timberlake. I’ve never been much of a Jackson fan (either one), so I left the room for a minute to get something to drink. By the time I came back in the TV was off and I asked my wife what was up. She told me that Silas, our six-year-old, said, “This is not very honoring to God,” and proceeded to turn the TV off. Since I really wasn’t very interested in the halftime activities, I didn’t turn it back on again until halftime was over.

When I read the paper the next day I found out that not only was the entire show very suggestive and “not very honoring to God,” (surprise, surprise!) but at the end of Jackson’s performance her costume fell open and she was “accidentally” exposed on national TV. Papers were filled with angry letters to the editor, the Federal Communications Commission was irate, and CBS was in an uproar. Even MTV offered their regrets. Everyone was outraged. Meanwhile, thanks to our wise little 6-year-old, my family went on with our lives unaffected.

My tendency was to think that the infamous “wardrobe malfunction” was going too far—that it was an indecent act that should never have been allowed into the homes of decent people. Of course, that is where I was in error. Silas realized that it wasn’t the wardrobe malfunction, but the whole show that was offensive to God. I felt reproved, that as a father, I wasn’t the one to shut it off first.

78: Girlie Posters at the Neighbors

Question:
My little six-year-old boy has been playing over at our neighbor’s house for the past three years. Their son has become best friends with my son. Their family is not a Christian family, and we have brought their son to church with us about a dozen times. I walked over to their house today and their garage door was open, and I noticed some “girlie posters” on the walls of the garage. I have been inside their house several times and have never noticed anything that made me uncomfortable, but this does. Should I forbid my son from going to this little boy’s house to play? I know that early exposure to things of this nature could damage his mind...however, this little boy is his very best friend. I spoke with him and asked if he saw any pictures of naked women at their house and he said “yes, in the garage.” I told him that I didn't want him going into their garage because I didn't want him to see those pictures - he said he wouldn't, but if he had to go through to exit the house, he would look the other way. We want to be a positive influence on this family for the kingdom, without hurting our children’s minds in the process....any advice?

Response:
Call me overprotective, but I wouldn’t let him go back. Your boy is six, and may have been exposed to these pictures from the age of three. Hopefully they didn’t make a huge impression on him, but I sure wouldn’t take any chances of him getting exposed to more.

Hopefully your neighbor does not have anything worse, but that is something you don’t know. I personally think it would be naive to think that he would have something inappropriate displayed in his garage (in the sight of his own child) and not have anything worse in his closet or elsewhere in his home. He may have magazines, videos, DVDs, or inappropriate material on his computer.

I know that sounds paranoid. I don’t think every neighbor is a pervert, but I think it is fair to say that some of them (Christian or not) might be. The catch is, I don’t know which ones are safe, and which ones are not. I also don’t know which ones have pornography in their homes and which do not. That is one reason we don’t usually let our kids go over to other kids’ houses.

Just set a household policy that your kids can’t go over to other people’s house without you. Then when your neighbor invites your son over, you can explain that to her as gently as possible. You and your son can go over to the neighbor’s together, or her son can come over to your house, but your son can’t go over there alone. It’s likely you’ll have to come clean with her and admit that your son saw something inappropriate at her house. If so, you can lovingly explain that it is not that you are judging THEM, but that the situation merely made you realize that you wanted to be more careful with ALL visits away from your home.

Your son doesn’t have to lose his best friend over this. It’s not pornography vs. friendship, but even if it did come to that, would it be worth it to protect your child?

Psalms 101:3 I will set before my eyes no vile thing.

Job 31:1a “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.

Ephesians 5:3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.