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Saturday, May 26, 2007

93. The Smell of Parenting

Proverbs 14:4 Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox. ESV

A novice farmer shows off his clean barn to his neighbor. The ground is spotless, and the manger, or feed trough, looks as clean as new. After shooting the breeze a while the experienced farmer invites his friend to come and see what a barn should look like. The young farmer is a little hurt because he can’t imagine a nicer setup than he has.

They walk over to the neighbor’s farm, all the while discussing the incredible amount of work each of the older farmer’s four oxen can perform. At the barn, hay is strewn everywhere, and the feed trough is covered with dried ox slobber.

“What is that horrible stench?” asks the young man.

“That, my friend, is the smell of money.”

The goal of a farmer is not to have the nicest barn, cleanest trough, or freshest fragrances. His goal is to grow crops and raise animals. To focus on his goal, he lets a few things slide along the way. From sunup to sundown he works hard. He is not lazy or negligent, but he simply has no time to clean troughs and rake out barns. Instead of scooping up every piece of manure, he simply wears rubber boots.

A wise parent will take a similar approach. If every meal must be a culinary delight, every toy in its perfect spot, every shelf dusted, and every floor vacuumed, there will be no time left for parenting. With children comes a certain level of messiness. This is to be managed, but also expected. The goal is to raise the children, not eliminate the messiness. As the farmer embraces the mess of the ox the parent should embrace the clutter of childhood. Far more critical things are happening in our homes than keeping our houses spotless. Much good is being produced in a Christian home.

92. Practical Behavioral Standards 3: Honoring

Ephesians 6:2 “ Honor your father and mother” —which is the first commandment with a promise.”

1 Timothy 3:4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.

Imagine asking your 12-year-old son to take out the trash. He rolls his eyes and says, “Whatever,” and proceeds to take the trash out. On one hand, your home is peaceful and your child is obedient. On the other hand, there is still something missing, isn’t there? What’s missing is honor. It is not enough that children be calm and obedient. They also need to respect you.

When we honor something we view it with high value or esteem. The natural tendency for kids is to believe their parents are clueless and out of touch, authorities are unfair, and the opinions of adults are worthless. In other words, it is very natural for them to think about you, and act toward you, in ways that are dishonoring. God wants you to train them to respect you and value your opinion.

This becomes somewhat tricky as it relates to issues of the heart, but like most internal struggles, dishonoring attitudes will find ways of bubbling to the surface. Here are some examples of rules related to disrespectful behaviors:

  • No slamming doors, dishes, or other huffy actions
  • No talking back or badgering
  • No bad attitudes, rolling eyes and making faces
  • Children must obey quickly, completely, and cheerfully.

It is not domineering for you as a parent to expect your children to honor and respect you. This is what God has called them to and God wants you to train them accordingly. When your children are peaceful, obedient, and honoring, you’ll find that they will bring glory to God, and joy to you. Aim for nothing less!

Friday, May 25, 2007

91. Practical Behavioral Standards 2: Obedient

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Children are given two direct commands in the Bible: one is to honor their parents, and the other is to obey their parents. Obedience is mentioned in both codes of conduct listed in Colossians 3 and Ephesians 6. It is also one of the standards listed for the children of church leaders given in 1 Timothy 3. Helping our children learn to obey is one of our greatest tasks as parents.

You can set standards on anything that you or others find displeasing (Don’t play with your food, don’t nag, and dress appropriately). There should be standards that keep them from harm. (Don’t play in the street, jump on the bed, or play with matches.). They also need guidelines that promote their health and wellbeing. (Wash your hands, brush your teeth, and go to bed at 8:30.) You’ll also need principles that help them get along with others. (Share, let others go first, don’t take what isn’t yours.) You should also consider setting structured events that help educate or develop discipline. (Have quiet times, do your homework, or read in bed.)
Obviously, this is a significant part of your parenting, and someone could fill several books with ideas of rules that you may want to consider. Yet, when it comes down to it, you need to seek God for wisdom on what rules to set for your home.

Your children should obey whatever standard you set. You do not need to find a verse to defend every rule you give them. In other words, you can just say, “Don’t stick jellybeans in your ears.” You don’t have to find a verse that states this. God has given you, the parent, the wisdom and authority to determine such rules for the benefit of your children. Whatever rules you set, He expects your children to follow. It is your job, parent, to make sure they obey.